• Tara B. Vasi

Bitch, Please!

Hi Friends!

Long time, no blog post. I know, you’ve been just DYING to know what has been going on in my Not Thaid Down world… the truth is, not much, and I LOVE IT!

Since I left the Elephant Nature Park I have been staying at the Eden Garden Resort 2.4 kilometers outside of Chiang Mai. I have a private room on the seventh floor that is basic, but full of its own quirks. Just like me.

The bed and pillows are made of concrete or stone, whichever is denser, though are oddly comfortable. The shower is hot, but there is no shower curtain, so water gets all over the entire bathroom,. The internet service is the fastest I have encountered so far this year, which makes trying to watch “You,” but actually watching “Suits” a beautiful breeze for my leisure later in the evening.

When I open the curtain to look out my window, I see that the building next to me has strung compact discs from the ceiling of each balcony across the way. Pigeons are pidgeon’ing all over each balcony and I just laugh watching those discs, absolutely useless, swaying in the wind.

Chinese tourists frequently scream at one another down the hallway at all hours of the night waking me up before my anxiety can.

The staff sometimes ignores me and sometimes smile at me and each time I enter I can’t help but think, “These people just GET ME.” They generally give me space and give me toilet paper when I ask, which is really all I want out of a hotel and why I have stayed here almost a week.

In case you didnt know, I have visited Chiang Mai before, at the beginning of November with my group tour, but this time around, my experience in Chiang Mai has been much different.

The first time I visited, I was at the tail end of my 30 day adventure and set to fly back to the United States within the next few days. I was frantically trying to push back my international flight, while also booking a trip to Bali and coordinating this brand new opportunity in Sri Lanka.

I remember being buzzed in Chiang Mai, by the commotion around the Night Bazzar, but mainly with the decision to continue traveling and all the excitement and nerves that went along with it.

Fortunately, as this week has progressed, I have relaxed a little more into the fate of my current situation. My head and my heart are both healing superbly.

I went to the hospital on Tuesday to get my stitches out, but the Doctor told me that the wound needed longer to heal and to come back in a few days (when it will be ten days). Everyone at the hospital was really sweet and it was a much better experience then my last hospital visit. Granted, I was a little more composed.

I made an appointment and will go back Friday. At that point, I didnt know how long to stay in Chiang Mai, but the doctor made the decision for me. It came as a relief. She even ok’d me to wash my hair and well, that really needed to happen.

Mid week, the shift came. The worrying stopped and it was like I could literally feel myself moving the fuck on. Hallelujah, it always feels better to feel better.

I moseyed around Chiang Mai, window shopping, eating delicious food, and found myself getting lost in the best possible directions. I would walk for hours, singing to myself, and being weird, and just having a good time exploring the city.

My anxiety would sometimes pop up out of no where and remind me, “Hellooo…. What do you THINK YOU are doing? Are you having fun? Aren’t you worried? Like, SERIOUSLY worried? About your LIFE? You need to figure out your next move! Where are you going to go after this? It's not like you can stay HERE forever. You need to figure it out!”

I learned to say to my anxiety, “Bitch, please, I do not have to figure out my entire life right this second.”

I knew as my light started to brighten, the clouds would shift, and my plans would sort out naturally… or not, but the beauty came from not giving in to my anxiety and not entertaining that need to have to figure everything out all the time.

I treated myself to bowls and bowls of hot Thai soup and then coconut ice cream in the park. I find Chiang Mai to be very vegetarian and vegan friendly.

I treated myself to a massage where the instrumental version of Colors of the Wind from Pocahaontus played on repeat. I didnt hate it.

I treated myself to a new book and a few specialty essential oils made from Thai Flowers.

I decide to maximize each moment, each bite, each breath, each smile, because that’s what life is truly about.

I met a nice man named Matt from New York. He just finished traveling through New Zealand and definitely put that bug in my ear. Its definitely somewhere I must travel, but it won’t be this trip.

Today, I went to Royal Park. I took a Grab motorbike. I love being on the back of a bike. Our helmets only clicked a few times.

My plan for the day was to explore the park. I brought with my a blanket, my yoga mat, my book, and my tripod. I had this vision of relaxing and do yoga surrounded by flowers and in my new yoga pants. Thanks, Jill.

I rented a bike and bicycled around the park looking for the perfect area to practice yoga. The bike squeaked, and at that time I noticed the music playing throughout the park on big speakers hanging from the trees.

Royal Park was alluring. It was impossible to choose just one spot to practice, so instead I bounced from beautiful site to beautiful site, unrolling my mat, flowing in the sunlight, and then packing up and moving on to the next.

Who said I needed to choose just one spot anyway?

My yoga practice today continued to removed many cobwebs that had been collecting in my mind and my body. My yoga practice had to constantly say, “Bitch, please,” to my anxiety, but after a while, that bitch settled down, and I could tune into my innermost being. The one that was grateful, joyous, and determined.

The one that wanted to just play in the flowers for a while.🌸

I broke my flip flop as soon as I got to the park, so, I walked around barefoot the rest of the day. This didnt really pose much of a problem, even on the bike, until I had to go to the bathroom. Luckily on the way out, I saw that they sold flip flops at the gift shop, so stopped to take a look. The only size they had was size 5, but I got them anyway, because it seemed like a good idea at the time.

I get my stitches out tomorrow and leave for my next trip on Sunday. My next trip? Oh, yes, yes, yes. I planned a trip to Myanmar from January 19th- 31st! It’s like, RIGHT THERE. Next door. I will be visiting Yangon, Old Bagan, Mandalay, and Kalaw. I am super excited for Old Bagon and Inle Lake.

It doesnt feel exactly like being lost when you know you are going in the right direction.

Life is beautiful. You'll miss today if you are too busy trying to figure out tomorrow.

Thank you to everyone who has messaged me this week with your support and encouragement! I couldnt have done it without you!

Cheers to the next adventure!


©2019 by Not Thai'd Down. Proudly created with