December 29th. The day after. Exposed.
Morning monkey brain of the century.
There is no desk or anything in my room at the Green Villa so I sit on the floor at 5am with my legs under the bed, and use the mattress as a desk top. Ants crawl on my feet and when they make me flinch, I smash my knee on the undercarriage of the bed.
My brain was going a million miles a minute and it was before the caffeine in the coffee even kicked in. I had to write down what happened and get it out of my brain.
When I first started writing, I didnt know or care if it would turn into a blog post. I didn’t know if I wanted to share what really happened that month with the world, or just keep it for myself. The real story was so far from the story I had already portrayed, but I decided that shouldnt matter.
There is always more to the story, more that goes on behind the social media presence. People may seem ok, that really arent, and its safe to assume that no one is as carefree as they make themselves out to be.
The sound of my fingers clicking the keys so quickly is obnoxious, even to me.
As I typed my experiences, I realized that I had to share my story. That this was a BIG DEAL. This guy was a predator and he needed to stop being allowed to host volunteers at his villa. That men treating women this way is NOT OK. ITS STILL NOT OK.
Maybe by sharing my experiences in the blow, it will empower other women to speak up too. Maybe because I walked away, other women will see that it is possible for them to walk away too.
I was amazed by all the supportive comments and messages I received when I posted my first message about leaving the foundation. It made me feel so safe and so loved. Thank you.
I reached out to the other yoga teachers who were scheduled to volunteer with Chamara in 2020. I had to let them know what happened and I had to warn them. They were all incredibly shocked and a little disappointed because of course they were very much looking forward to volunteering in Sri Lanka for a few months. The program appeared to be a dream come true to them too.
I had to take a break from hunching over the computer. I needed fresh air. I sat on the beach fully clothed and sweating and tried to relax. There was zero part of me that wanted to sit on the beach in a bikini. Even fully clothed, I felt incredibly exposed. Why is everyone looking at me? I wasn’t ready to be out in public yet.
I still feared that maybe Chamara would drive around and look for me. I noticed immediately that there are SO many silver vans in Sri Lanka and I couldn’t turn off the fact that he could be inside any one of them.
I stopped at a small dark empty restaurant on the way back to the "hotel" and ordered a plate of vegetable Kotu. Kotu was my favorite dish in Sri Lanka. The owner of the restaurant watched me eat from the window of the kitchen. I wished for invisibility.
Rosa found a better place to stay, but I stay another night at the Green Villa. I help her move her things and have hotel room envy.
I spend the night connecting with friends and family. The majority of people encourage me to go back to the USA. I dont know what to do, but I know I don’t want to go back to the USA quite yet. I feel like if I go back, this POS wins and it feels like he has taken away so much from me as it.