I live in New Jersey. I am here now. For now, I am here.
Updated: Sep 26, 2019
We have all done it. We leave that one final task lingering, un-checked, on our to do list. Days, maybe weeks, maybe months go by and the weight of incompletion stifles our progress, the progress that we long for, yet we cannot fathom the effort to just get on with it already. Theres more to it though, we know this, then someone just “not getting around to it.” Sometimes, we simply do not complete things until we are ready.
Today, I registered my car in New Jersey and obtained a New Jersey drivers license, forfeiting my California ID, officially saying goodbye to my California residency. This is a big deal to me, accepting that New Jersey is where I am now.
It doesn’t matter how I got here, or that this is not where I expected to be, but right now, I am here and I am giving in to whatever it is this experience is meant to teach me. I am continuing to do so by detaching from expectations of where I “should” be or who I “should” be with or what I “should” be doing.
I had an amazing experience at Sapphire Holistic Center in Bradley Beach last night for a night time Crystal Bowl Meditation. I have meditated before for short periods of time and I have felt the healing vibrations and sounds of the crystal bowls before, but never to this capacity. I reclined and situated myself on the bolsters and pillows and went into my meditation with zero expectations or judgements. My mind wandered. There were a few occasions where the vibrations of the crystal bowls felt as if they entered my being and held hands with my heart beat, as if they were guiding me out of the woods.
I left feeling mentally alert, yet clouded, like I just left a deep tissue massage. I felt energized, yet exhausted, powerful, like I had just left a strong vinyasa practice. Maybe that is what “just being” feels like. Not feeling like you “should” feel a certain way.
I am ready to welcome more meditation into my life. Now that I have tasted the gift of contentment, it is now all I am hungry for. Meditation is added to my list of things to do, but with it a commitment to not let it linger, unchecked, heavy, because, I AM ready and, in actuality, it’s more like a “to be”.